Pretentious Salmon Starter

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Utensils: nothing weird except for cheese cloth or a fine strainer, and something to shape cooked rice with.

Time: Marinade: 24hrs

Cook Time: 30-40m, 2-4hrs if on edibles.

 

Ingredients (Ponzu Salmon):

- 250g of Sashimi Grade Raw Salmon

- 120ml (1/2 cup) Mixed Citrus Juice (Equal parts fresh lemon, blood orange, and grapefruit - Save skin of lemon and - orange for zesting, oooh zesty!)

- 120ml (1/2 cup) soy sauce

- 2 Tablespoons mirin cooking wine (drinking seriously discouraged)

- 5g Dried bonito fish flakes

- 1 Pieces of kombu (dried kelp)

- 1 Quail egg (yes I’m that pretentious)

 

Ingredients (Cucumber Salad)

- 2 teaspoons lime juice

- 2 teaspoons rice vinegar

- 2 teaspoons mirin cooking wine

- 1 teaspoon soy sauce ––

- 1 Asian cucumber (more if you want delicious pickles, too)

- 1 teaspoon black sesame seeds

 

Ingredients (Crispy Rice):

- 200g (1 cup) Sushi or jasmine rice 475ml (2 cups) water

- 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar

- Enough sesame oil to cover the bottom of a frying pan sufficiently (+100 points for specificity)

- 1-2 teaspoons white toasted sesame seeds for serving

 

Instructions: Ponzu Salmon Save your quail egg and salmon for the date of serving, the marinade takes 24hrs. (You didn’t think I’d make this easy, did you?) Squeeze and combine 120ml (40ml each, roughly) of equal parts fresh lemon, blood orange, and grapefruit into a sealable container or jar. Don’t strain the pulp. Lightly zest a small bit of lemon and blood orange skin into the combined juice, about 2 teaspoons of each fruit. Add 120ml of soy sauce, 2tbs of mirin cooking wine, bonito flakes, and kombu. Break up the kombu if you’re using a jar, to ensure all the ingredients are submerged. Marinate for 24hrs. (Pro Tip: Peer reviewed studies show this sauce marinates 5.7% more effectively when being avidly discussed with an annoying American). Discover your marinated ponzu sauce in the depths of your fridge, strain the sauce into a separate container with a fine strainer or cheese cloth. The ponzu should be clear of any debris. Find a nice sharp knife (or steal a scalpel from your local hospital). Cut your salmon diagonally into roughly 20mm (1/2 inch) slices. Place salmon in a small bowl, and add about 120ml of ponzu, combine until the salmon is well covered. Set aside in the fridge.

 

Instructions: Cucumber Salad Slice your cucumbers diagonally into thin pieces, about 10mm, or half the thickness of your salmon cuts. Toss in a bowl with the 2tsp of lime juice, 2tsp of rice vinegar, 2tsp of mirin wine, and black sesame seeds. Set aside in the fridge to marinate for at least 15 minutes. (Congrats, you just made redneck pickles)

 

Instructions: Crispy Rice Rinse rice once or twice to remove starch and cook your sushi rice without vinegar, to your desired level of doneness (if you prefer your rice mushy I’m not sure we can talk anymore). While the rice is hot, add 1 tablespoon of vinegar, taste, and add more if you prefer more acidity. Add toasted white sesame seeds, mix thoroughly and allow the rice to begin cooling. While your rice cools, find the big heavy cast iron pan you’d murder an intruder with because ya’ll don’t get guns (losers), and cover the pan with a healthy amount of sesame oil, enough for frying. Once your rice is cool enough to work with, form the rice into a circular patty about 12-18cm wide, and 6-8cm deep using a circular cookie cutter, inverted measuring cup, or your preferred bondage handcuffs (wash before kitchen use recommended). Make sure your rice patty is reasonably flat on both sides, heat your oil to medium high heat, and add as many rice patties as you desire. Flip only once, and fry until the rice is golden brown on top, but still white in the center. (This may take a trial run) remove and drain of oil on a rack.

 

Instructions: Bringing it all together (it’s almost over, don’t worry) Collect your marinated salmon, cucumbers, and quail egg. Plating is up to your creative spirit, but here’s the objectively correct way to do it according to me. Place your crispy rice cakes on the plate, layering your marinated cucumbers (shake off any excess sauce/wetness, you don’t want it dripping) in a circular pattern on the rice patty so it looks a bit like a petal, then arrange your ponzu marinated salmon atop that by layering the slices of the salmon in a circle so it too looks like a flower. Crack open the quail egg and separate the yolk while praying for the massacre of a fetus you’re committing ( ) and place the raw quail yolk in the center of the salmon. Dust the entire dish with sesame seeds, and consume voraciously.